The Tale of the Pumpkin Ale
Some time ago I lived in one of Seattle finer Ghettos. Toward Garfield High. I loved it out there and spent the full year rather complacently but for...yes, you got it. A Craigslist encounter.
After a few times I kept asking myself, why the HELL do I post or respond? My underlying belief that not all the people there are insane, I mean, I had gotten all my jobs, my places I lived, random things...without problems, all on Craigslist.
Yeah, but those things have nothing to do with 'relations'. NSA. Love those letters. Why do they NEVER really mean that? Why can the truth not be said, I want to have random sex with you then EAT YOUR SOUL (insert evil laugh here).
So I did it again. I answered an ad. Things went so well I should have ran screaming. Things DID start to get odd when she realized that I did not want to be tied down. I learned what a handfasting was (No I did NOT do it!).
Then started the real fun. She shows up one night, Halloween to be exact. I had plans that night to head out to a party with some friends and they did not intend for me to be there with her. I gave them a call an let them know I was bringing 'company' and that was OK.
I wanted to take some pumpkin ale, I mean, it was Halloween and all! We wandered around a bit as I do not like to be early to any sort of gathering (I like to show up at Neighbors at 11PM, for example).
We stopped at the QFC and got the ale, 2/6 packs. I figured it was still way too early to hit the party so stopped for a drink. While sitting there some true colors of hers showed up.
“I don't want to sit here and just have a drink”. I had just GOTTEN my drink. I looked at her and said 'OK, that is fine, just let me drink this and we will go'. Keep in mind this drink had cost me 7$. “No, I want to go now” says she. 'I am not leaving this drink here, paid for, and not even touch it!' I said.
“You don't love me!” she said, and ran out the door. With the ale.
Well, go figure, no I don't. No I didn't. No I won't. Plain and simple.
I stayed, laughing with the bartender and then left to go back to the QFC. It was across the road, big hardship, lol. I got two more 6 packs of pumpkin ale and went back home.
Sitting on my PORCH was this PSYCHO. OK. My roomate had just pulled up and sensed the tension so asked me my plans for the evening. I told her that I was not sure anymore and gave a fast breakdown of what had just occurred.
She asked if I wanted to tag along with them. Normally I just do not 'do' frat parties but I decided right there and then that, yes, this time I do.
I walked over to 'the nut' and she was acting all normal...told her that 'we' were not doing anything, ever. She just looks at me like 'what?'. After pulling that. I told her to go home. She didn't like that. She really didn't like it when I stowed the 2 six packs I just got in the backseat of the roomates car and then took the OTHER two and did the same.
That is how I ended up in the University District on a Halloween night with 24 bottles of Pumpkin Ale, and one more 'ex' (I didn't know we were a thing!) on the list.
Thankfully? After one call and one email, she never bothered me again.
Shame we can't say that about all of them.
